Bolivia Caranavi CENAPROC Co-op

Washed, Organic. From the high-skies of the Yungas region hails this fancy diddle of a bean. Boasting a Coffee Review score of 94 - this little dab better do ya.

Little Debbie's "Nutty Bar" turns Hipster-Fusion with notes of orange-cherry acidity & coffee. A medium body with the coated mouthfeel of a flintstone's jacket. Calm and soothing like as a guilty-pleasure. So calm, in fact, I'm willing to misuse the word ironic as forgivable so we can all just enjoy a little ninety-nine cent pastry together.

Come get it.

bolivia cafe golondrin

i'd ask you to dance, but you can already see the look in my eye.

it's you courting me to the floor.

sweet blackberry whispers tickle my neck and serenade my ear,

milk chocolate ganache enveloping my little fragile heart.

whisking us off to paradise on a rainbow-current,

of spry fuschia and yellow sunshine.

bolivia, you are easy to be with.

Rwanda Musasa Dukunkeakwa

Let me introduce you to your new favorite feminist Cup of Excellence. The Musasa Co-Operative in the Rushashi District of Ruli boasts a collaboration of 2,000 farms, with more than 80-percent women-owned. Harvesting 100-percent red bourbon beans, the Musasa Co-Op has snagged two Cup of Excellence nods in the past year. One of which is our new fully-washed and African-dried Rwanda.


Fresh and fatty, oozing chocolate covered bacon & peanut-brittle. A fresh light body, opening the palette with lemon brightness, and a gentle coated mouthfeel. This complexity might be best appreciated in chemex form.

Mexico Nayarita

She's the renaissance bean.

The genuine short skirt, long jacket, Mensa lesbrarian with the flexibity of elastic-girl , & the domesticity of your dear sweet grandmother. Yes, of course she plays classic violin. And no, while her watercolors are nothing to brag about, you can see them lazily strewn about the Smithsonian... if you're bored.

This extraordinary prosopography, in my critical rubric, has only once been discovered — and with the belle-of-the-ball Panama Estate La Esmeralda, no less (also known as the most expensive coffee sold in the "civilized" world).
It is with great caffeine euphoria that I extend such laureates and raise my spittoon to Velton & his Mexico Nayarita.

Served as our Celebrity Single Origin Espresso, Nayarita delivers orchard-fresh apple & blackberry acidity, hazelnut depth, honey overtones, a clean mouthfeel, & distinct finish.

She'll be here all week.

Disloyalty 'Spresso

Perched high-and-mighty in our Single Origin Grinder sits Velton's Coffee's very fine and very sassy Panama Boquete Volcancito.

Cultivated between 1,600 - 1,700 meters, grown in the Volcancito sub-region of Boquete, Panama, this espresso is silky sweet like your first kiss. Mandarin orange sweetness resonating through its cedar depths and creamy prune finish, washing over your tongue with the rewarding witticisms of Groucho Marx. This espresso only gets better with age.

We've been pulling Velton's Panama after four days of post-roast rest, all the way until its 12th, and I've got to admit: this profile only develops, strengthens, and elongates with time. The complexity of this 'spro can be appreciated with varying experiences every day of the... fortnight.

Take it neat, or in a 4oz Americano, it'll be damn sweet. Speaking frankly, the only thing that might enhance this palette, is if Velton would give all of us his super fine Bonsai Tree Tee.

No, really. Hint-hint, Velton.

Colombia Huila-Monserrate

Producer Dario Anaya's Micro-Lot in Colombia Huila-Monserrate is the sweet ripe cherry atop the absurdist day-dream we all seem to share. Where camels carry liquid caramel, tap-dancing is the most efficient way to cross the street, & it's always time for a massage. Where Rumpelstiltskin & John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidth finally conquer all the paperwork & wed, in what will be known as the most elegant & playful celebration of love experienced by humanity. Where acne doesn't exist, & inanimate objects have the wittiest of retorts - always to brighten the day. This is where our Micro-Lot lives.

A floral cup of vanilla & cherry, apricot brightness, and nutty sass. Medium body, clean finish, she doesn't ask much in return.

Ethiopia Nekisse Micro Selection One

We can all agree that (in coffee) Ethiopia has a name full of expectations. We anticipate loud fruit aromatics that transition into rich chocolates and sweet wines; deeper, more complex subtleties — whether butter or beef broth, and lengthy, satisfying finishes. We want not only our showcase, Bob, but our neighbors too.

It is with this high standard in mind that I accept the Ethiopia Nekisse Micro as a strong contender; one who's work might just speak for itself*.

Hailing from Nedjo/Kele, near the Sidamo region of Ethiopia, this Nekisse is timeless. Beginning with a forthcoming and confident ripe cherry aroma, pronounced undertones of jasmine and brown sugar, and evolving into a deeper vibrant oak. This natural process sweetness leaves a coated mouthfeel, though oddly enough — with an intense staccato finish.


*Neptune Coffee in neither advocating anthropomorphizing coffee, nor enabling a bean to take lauren's job.